Author Devi, Finn's flat mate at Durham University
I met Finn in the Collingwood JCR, he was probably the third person I met and one of the most interesting even now. Immediately, I was intrigued by his accent which he informed me was from Bermuda. Bermuda? I asked. I laughed telling him the most I knew about Bermuda was the Bermuda triangle. He was not impressed. Nonetheless he went on to tell me that really, he was from Mexico, Switzerland – anywhere. A citizen of the world? I asked and he laughed this time, I think he liked the idea. He belonged to the world. The more I got to know Finn the more I realised that he really did belong to the world, travelling near and far all the time, doing everything. Seeing everything. And he never failed to entertain, telling me stories from his travels and friends. Vivacious, bright, and energetic. His energy bubbled up from within and radiated throughout.
Once I started dating Sam (1st term of university), I found myself invited to J4 Tuesdays, what J block did each week to celebrate university life. We played music, sat and chatted and ended up singing our hearts out until the early hours of the morning. Finn frequently entered with a bag of nuts (cashews I believe) and I often asked him for a few which he would graciously chuck over.
One of my favourite memories is walking through the Collingwood Hall with Will and Sam to find Finn outside their corridor, waxing his surfboard. Niamh emerged from her room as we all chatted and asked Finn why the surfboard had found its way in the shower. Finn looked up and, as if it was obvious, explained that it released toxic fumes so he had homed it in the shower. And then was surprised by our laughter. Of course, the logic is unflawed, but it made us giggle that he decided to sacrifice everyone else’s shower. It’s something we continued to tease him about in 2nd year when he eventually moved his wetsuit into the living room, assuring us that though he did pee in it, it would not smell.
We always laughed with Finn, somewhere between his stress-free and super-chill attitude felt like home. All far away from our own homes, though Finn the furthest, it was difficult not to become home sick. Yet, each lunch, dinner or general chat always left me feeling lighter, happier, and more at home. I still think about Finn trying to convince us that the hand sanitiser dispensers were spreading covid because ‘everyone touches the same handle guys!’. And really, that’s what bonded us. Because where there is laughter there is also so much love. The people you laugh with are those you remember, because even when the days are hard, or long and dark (as they often are in Durham winters), they become easier around people who bring joy.
And Finn did just that. Every day he chose happiness, gratitude, and rest. In the most beautiful way I loved talking to Finn about what he thought about life because his attitude was just so admirable. Working hard but playing harder. He did not get bogged down in the stresses of university life; he knew how to have fun. It’s something I appreciated in him. The constant ability to keep your head up, it’s rare.
One particular evening, we sat around as he ate his chicken-tika masala, I often went to sit downstairs whilst he was eating because I’d be bored and he would invigorate me with his interesting stories and perspectives. I suddenly asked him, Finn how did you parents meet? At university, studying forestry (if I’ve remembered correctly). Either way, the answer had me more interested than I had anticipated. Suddenly I was interested about what his plans were,
What are you going to do after university Finn?
I don’t know- masters, maybe Swiss army and then who knows?
Really – you aren’t going to rush to get a job?
Why Devi, there’s so much to see– there’s time to work later.
He was right. There’s so much time to work, there will always be time to work. What’s important is living, and it’s something I have often struggled balancing, life and work. Yet Finn did not. His values were strong, he knew what he wanted and how to get it. I remember laughing at the time, saying- ‘you, in the swiss army? Come on now Finn’. But it sticks with me now. That he knew so well how precious life is. How every second matters.
I must say this story is slightly inappropriate, but I would do Finn a disservice if I didn’t add it. Let’s say Finn liked nicking people’s food. Not in a malicious way, it just naturally came to him to pirate people’s stuff, but no one was really bothered (which kept him going). Funnily enough, in 1st year, when caught by Olivia (a girl in J-Block who wasn’t really friendly with any of us) eating her food, he famously replied “I only had one”, something we continue to quote. Anyways, low and behold, Finn finds a tray of brownies at a friend’s house and decides to tuck in. It’s safe to say that his following seminar was a very out-of-body experience. When he reported this story later, I found myself grateful to have a friend like Finn. Because he wasn’t stressed, he wasn’t uncomfortable, he recognised that he made a mistake, and he forgave himself. He laughed at himself, he just saw this as another experience- something else he got to do. And this easy going, beautiful, way of thinking made my chest warm.
I got adopted into J block then, later, 19 Lawson terrace, but I never felt like an outsider. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up getting on with the people in my block or house but, when I entered 19 Lawson terrace the boys never failed to make me feel at peace. It is not often a girl can sit with 5 boys and feel truly safe with them. But I did. It was the energy in the room that made it so easy-going. I’ll never forget coming home from the library, having decided that a tin of pineapples was a good snack, to decide to eat them at home instead as I got weird looks in the library, only to get weirder looks from Finn. “Devi- you aren’t seriously eating that like that are you??”. Small, mundane – but all these little moments and little conversations echo through me now. Because even as I sat there then, I was laughing. Just as I am smiling remembering this. It wasn’t about what Finn said, it was about his facial expressions. Always one eyebrow up in shock. I read once that we always keep parts of people within ourselves, something I didn’t realise until I noticed myself doing the same eyebrow manoeuvre. It was a nice realisation, that I was absorbing little bits of the people around me. We were all starting to laugh like each other, express like each other.
And, even learn fifa like each other. I am not a video gamer and it turns out that neither is Finn. We sat to play, really, he was meant to teach me. Alas, he had handed us the wrong controllers, each controlling the others team we ended up completely stumped why nothing was working. ‘it must be a pre-recorded game?’ Finn suggested. I, not knowing anything really nodded and smiled, sure the issue would resolve itself. Turns out he thought he was controlling my team, and I his. It was a short lived game but the moment sticks with me.
Probably my favourite story of Finn is the story of the blocked shower. Sitting in the living room we were trying to figure out what to do with the wretched shower, blocked and flooding it was an issue. I’ll get the plunger from my house, I said.
I already tried that (Finn)
What do you mean Finnley, there’s no plunger here. (although I know this is not his real name, it was with affection that we started calling him this)
Yeah there is, next to the toilet upstairs.
Finn- do you mean the toilet brush??
-No response-
Finn?
Guys, I did everything I could.
Finn, did you brush the shower floor?? What do you mean – what does ‘everything you could’ involve??
We never did find out, elusive and laughing, it turns out the toilet brush found its way into the shower too.
Every story ends in laughter because this is what it was to live with Finn, a constant state of comedy. Comedy which really came to play when the 19 lawson terrace got robbed. (Spoiler alert 4 jackets, 4 beers and 100 pounds in cash were taken). However, it was Finn who left his window closed, but with the handle up, unlocked. And the truth is, I am not always as easy-going as Finn, so when I heard that the house got robbed I got really worried. But Finn delivered the news, standing in the kitchen over his pot with complete ease and chill. However, it was when I found that, one of the coats taken (the only coat taken from Finn’s room) was not even his that the night got really funny. The night before he got cold whilst talking to a girl and had ended up wearing her coat home, and it got stolen!! We couldn’t believe that not only had Finn taken someone else’s jacket, he was the reason other people got their stuff taken! So the night, initially stressful, turned into about 3 hours of laughing with each other – about how Finn ended up generating losses for everyone but himself. Maybe the only group of people who could end up finding joy in this situation. I can’t help but think that we owe it to Finn. Unbothered, unworried he didn’t have it in him to stress, I truly believe that. And when he isn’t worried, it’s hard to be.
If there is one impression I could leave you with, it’s that Finn brought a lot of joy to my life, to all our lives. We endearingly named him a ‘space cadet’, slightly zoned out of reality in the best possible way. He simply coasted, there was nothing serious enough or frustrating enough to illicit a reaction. He either laughed it off or was unbothered. I hope this brings you some peace, that he was not stressed about work, he was not concerned with the ‘difficulties’ of life, when he no longer wanted to work at the burrito place he just stopped. I value this way of thinking, prioritising yourself. When it came down to it, he did as he willed.
There are so many stories, there are not enough words or pages to write them on. Finn was the kind of boy you told your friends about because there was constantly something he did, said or misconstrued that was too funny not to share. I hope, as a family, that you find this joy and laughter again.