I wrote this eulogy for my beloved Finn the day after he died. Of course, I couldn't sleep so I went down stairs and just starting writing. I wrote in my journal, I wrote this out, I just wrote and wrote and wrote. I had no idea what the most profound sadness could feel like, I know it now. Very well... This is for you my beloved Finn. I will never forget you, stop loving you, or let your spirit die inside me.
Finn's Eulogy, loving words from a father to his departed son.
Welcome All, Thank you very much for coming to celebrate the life of my son Finn.
Perhaps I can start by explaining the strange attire you see around the church. Finn was born and raised as a 17th generation Bermudian, but Switzerland was a big part of his heart. Since we couldn’t have this service in Bermuda, we thought we’d bring a little Bermuda to Switzerland.
I have my boy Chase on standby, in case I felt like I couldn’t raise the courage to do what will be one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life. I’m a wear your heart on your sleeve type of person, so please bear with me as I likely will not make it through this without a complete breakdown.
Some of you knew Finn, some of you didn’t, I hope that by the time you leave you’ll get to see a brief light into the life of this wonderfully sweet loving soul. Those that did know him, know that our family lives what some might say an unconventional life. This was made painfully aware to me as the police were asking for our address the night of his death, I was embarrassed by my answer.
Umm, it depends on what type of address you need. Do you need to send us mail, or do you need to know where he lived from a legal perspective?
The police officer replied with a slightly confused look.
I need your address sir.
Well, that’s not an easy answer.
But that is the way Finn liked it. You see, Finn was the chief adventurist in our family. The lynchpin of dreamers in a family that loved dreams and adventures. I think his mother would spend days just relishing in telling Finn about the next possible craziness that we were cooking up. The best part was that it was always a moving picture. One day it’d be Mongolia, skiing in Patagonia or maybe Antarctica.
Finn would always respond back, Woah, great idea, let’s go here, and then we could do this, and then this. There always had to be an activity around it too for him. Whether it was surfing thumping double overhead waves in southern Mexico, Indonesia, Senegal or Sri Lanka, sailing in Greece, camping with his best friends in France or Switzerland or skiing waist deep powder in La Grave, Japan or Chamonix.
That was the essence of who he was. Even in Durham England, the most unlikely of all spots in the world for him to fulfill his lust for thrills, he was able to find a core group of friends that were happy to wake up at 5am and drive 2 hours searching for the same type of waves you could get from any other world class global destination. And he found them, always, to retell his scores with a bright beautiful glow that was so obvious it was infectious.
Recently, I have taken the habit of writing thank you letters. Some of you may have already received a handwritten thank you note from me. At the entrance to the church, we left an address book. If you will indulge a father’s catharsis for the loss of his son, I will ask that you please put your address into the book, so that you too may receive a thank you note for celebrating my son’s life with us.
Unfortunately, I was never able to write a thank you note to Finn. I was in fact going to write one to him when he returned back to University after this holiday. Of course, that wasn’t to be so, I wrote a thank you note that I was able to put into his final resting place.
Dear Finn,
I’m sorry I wasn’t able to send this to you while you were at University. Another path was chosen for you, and I don’t know that address. So I’m sending you this thank you note, until I can get there myself to give you a big hug and paddle out for another wave with you.
There are so many things that I’d like to thank you for. Here are just a few.
Thank you for your wonderful laugh you had when you were teaching Edgar (our frenchie) how to skateboard just last week.
Thank you for the kind and loving relationship that you had with your mother. You were the light of her life, you gave her endless hours of joy and fulfillment.
Thank you for being the patient, caring brother you were to Somers. You were best friends, and bros, and he had a lot of good friends, bonded by a lifetime of shared secrets, joys and adventures that only you and he knew. And he had a lot of good friends. I know that you loved him very much, and he loved you. I’ve seen that love pouring through as tears over the past few days.
I am grateful for the way that you lived your life. You inspire me to be a better father, son, husband, brother & friend. To continually strive to be a better version of myself. That’ll be a lifelong work in progress thanks to you.
I am grateful I was able to spend the last two weeks of your life here in your beloved Verbier, skiing powder, and having adventures with Somers, Mama and me. If someone were to say, you only have two weeks left to live, I am pretty sure you hand designed those last weeks with an artist's perfection. Just as you did every single day of your life.
Most of all, Finn, I want to thank you for giving me the courage to be able to love you so deeply, and to grieve for you so passionately that I now know the highest joys and deepest depths of pain that I can honestly say I have experienced the full range of human emotion.
It is that bravery you have given me, that gives me the conviction that I will once again find that joyful spark in life that now seems extinguished.
Thank you for all that you have given me in your all too short but wonderful life. I will think about you every day forever. Because of this, I know that spark will one day come back to life.I will love you always,
Papa